Saturday, June 08, 2002

TEN MORE WORDS TO KILL FOR: A.C. Douglas lists ten words that "when written or uttered are cause sufficient for the murder of the writer or utterer, and the immediate establishment of a prima facie case of justifiable homicide with the consequent full exoneration of the murderer." I agree with all of his homicide-inducing words, and nominate a few more:
  1. as a __ -- when used to imply that a speaker's opinion on a subject is dictated by the speaker's sex, race, or other status, and that persons of different status may not legitimately offer an opinion on the subject, as in "As a Tibetan bisexual woman, I find your opposition to liberal immigration policies, same-sex marriage, and abortion-on-demand deeply offensive."
  2. feel -- when used as a synonym for "think," as in "I feel that your position is illogical."
  3. deeply -- when used to modify "offensive" or "offended," as in "I was deeply offended by that remark," or when used to modify most any other word, for that matter.
  4. diversity -- when used to mean "per capita skin melanin within a population," as in "This community lacks sufficient diversity" or "I am deeply offended by the lack of diversity at our university."
  5. impact -- when used as a verb, as in "the poignancy of Alec Baldwin's latest public remarks impacted me deeply."
  6. network -- as in "This conference will be a great opportunity to network with prospective employers."
  7. offensive -- when used to describe almost anything besides an odor, as in "I find your position on affirmative action deeply offensive."
  8. parent -- as in "No one can tell you how to parent your child."
  9. progressive -- as in "Mother Jones takes really progressive positions, like confiscating private property."
  10. synergy -- when used in any context, but especially offensive when used in wedding vows, as in "The synergy of our souls will last us through eternity." (If you can't believe that synergy gets used in wedding vows, you haven't been watching TLC's A Wedding Story.)

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