Tuesday, January 07, 2003

ANTI-ACTIVISM ACTIVISM: And what's with "activists" always trying to "raise" our "awareness" about this or that? Do they think we're sub-literate imbeciles who, because we're subliterate, haven't read a newspaper in the last ten years and, because we're imbeciles, wouldn't have understood one anyway, and therefore just don't get it when it comes to HIV, domestic violence, global warming, sexual harassment, human rights, globalism, etc. and must therefore be educated in the ways of righteousness by professional spokes-nannies for non-profit organizations wielding slogans composed of monosyllable words and ideas? Wow. That's the longest rhetorical question I've ever written. Anyway, I've thought about becoming an activist myself, a kind of anti-activist activist who raises the awareness of activists who aren't aware that I am aware and that they're really ticking me off. First, I'd raise awareness among human rights activists who aren't aware that they're mainly a pack of preening hypocrites who froth at the mouth at the prospect of prosecuting a Pinochet but wet their pants at the prospect of kissing Castro's backside and who've perverted the right of self-detemination into the right of psychopath dictators to grind the faces of their citizens into the dirt free from any interference from the United States. Then I'd move on to the anti-globos, and raise their awareness of the fact that their theories of human governance and economy have been tried out in Russia, China, and Cambodia, and didn't work out so well, and if you don't believe me, check out Cuba where, assuming you can detach your face from Castro's cheeks, you'll see that they're still not working out so well, and were you also aware that we're aware that you're actually just middleclass punks who never had to get a summer job and don't want to get jobs which is the only reason you're out breaking windows, so could you at least drop the Marxist pretensions already? From there, I'm not sure where my activism would take me. Animal rights activists? ("Are you aware that rib roast, gently roasted at 180 degrees for several hours, to a nice medium rare, is extremely succulent?") Consumer rights activists? ("Are you aware that I don't want to pay twice as much for everything so that you can eliminate a 0.0000001% risk of harm?") Environmental activists? ("Are you aware that pesticides, combined with genetic crop engineering, have and will continue to save millions of lives the world over? You are? That's why you're against them? You think we're a virus? That needs to be eradicated? Like 'that Mr. Smith dude said in the Matrix'? Are you aware that he was the bad guy?") My mission is clear.

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